I’m trying to figure out why, but given the aside about Saturn Devouring His Son, I think we can all agree that my brain hasn’t brought its A-game tonight. I’d thumb through offers for Batman books and Energizer Bunny memorabilia, and I’d feel so damn good about myself. They were meant for me, and that was just tremendous. If you put anthropomorphic pink bottles on your ad, I *will* pay attention. Give me a little credit, Act Fluoride Treatment. The envelope was marked “Especially for Mom,” but that’s only because merchants didn’t trust ten-year-olds to take mouthwash coupons seriously. It’s an arguable point, but I’m inclined to call the envelope stuffed with coupons and mail order forms the Best Part of the Whole Box. I like how the nuts double as facial tumors. It hasn’t exactly gone rotten, but it has merged into the exact kind of cohesive mass that works perfectly in a Monster Art project. Remembering my Mike Aulby deal, I’m sure the Crunch ‘n Munch still celebrated like it was foie gras. It’s the best “food thing” in the box, but that was an easy victory when its only opponent was a two-stick pack of Fruit Stripe. To me, that is all this needs to be.Ī mini-bag of Crunch ‘n Munch, the bitter snack that never got its due credit for being so much better than Cracker Jack. I just want to see a giant man looking regretful as he eats a smaller man. Let’s go with a fragment of my new favorite painting, Saturn Devouring His Son: Still, at the end of the day, it’s just a box of expired coupons and old candy. I love the “R” Treat Boxes too much to dump into the normal blog. I realize I’m being stubborn with this article. Next, Band-Aid wanted me to try a pair of Sesame Street bandages, adorned with the disembodied heads of Big Bird and Cookie Monster.Īnd, uh, I guess there isn’t much to say about Sesame Street Band-Aids beyond that. ![]() I think he’s the guy who invented necklaces. It still made me feel like Mike Aulby after three straight turkeys at the Wichita Open. But at least I had those twelve hours of glory, with my “R” Treat Box displaying proudly on a bedroom shelf, just as prominently as that trophy I got for bowling in the third grade. ![]() Yeah, eventually I’d crumble and eat everything. I wanted to keep the whole presentation as pristine as possible, for as long as I could. When I used to get these as a kid, that was the always the challenge. I would’ve pegged Fruit Stripe as one of those foods with no plausible expiration date, but the goopy corners suggest that I should not try to eat them.īut hey, that fits. These stupid things made me feel so good, somehow.įirst, a sample-sized pack of Fruit Stripe gum, limited to two pieces. I didn’t want to even crease the box, let alone eat the contents, and you know I’m serious because I italicized. I remember treating these things better than I did my normal toys and video games. Think about how important you’d feel, having been catered to so exclusively. ![]() You’re a kid, and you’re skipping out of TRU with one of these boxes. Pretty sure there were generic versions as well, for those rare times when Geoffrey couldn’t find the right movie to base his box designs on. This one’s for Batman Returns, but I distinctly recall another for Jurassic Park. The boxes themselves always had new and exciting themes, too. Something to eat, something to read, something to stick on an open wound. Whenever TRU rolled out the “R” Treat promotion, the contents varied, but it was always something like this. For a kid looking to transform a trip to Toys “R” Us into a two-page diary entry, this was the motherload. We’re talking candy, junk food and Band-Aids with goofy characters on them. ![]() Course, it was the box’s contents that made this such an unstoppable force of no-cost glory.īehold! SAMPLES! And not just shitty samples for stuff like hand lotion. Boy, I can turn a phrase.Īs far as freebies go, the box alone was worth the trip. Yes, this is the one time when a box fitted with a Catwoman mask is no surprise. Batman Returns was the current in-thing, so it’s no surprise to see the box fitted with a cutout Catwoman mask. I’ve procured one such “R” Treat Box, from 1992. Trust me, it was so much cooler than the barebones description indicates. If you’ve never heard of them, the concept may sound boring and barely worth mentioning. Throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s, Toys “R” Us infrequently gave away “R” Treat Boxes - little cardboard boxes, stuffed with coupons and samples that appealed to the kid set. It’s just an old box of samples, but it absolutely deserves justice. The Toys “R” Us “R” Treat Box, from 1992!
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